About This Picture...

Yeah, I know this really isn't an "R" rated picture.  So what's it doing in my "R" rated photo album?  Well, I feel "R" rated when I wear this "baby doll".

You may find this hard to believe, but even fourteen years after sex reassignment surgery, I had never really worn anything overtly feminine.  Oh, sure, I wore my share of mini-skirts and bra-less tank tops, but they were are all just sexy, not feminine - not frilly, or lacy, or sweet.

For a number of years, while working in the city, I wore career-woman clothes - you know - business skirt-suits and slacks outfits and such.  But though I'd go through my average day all made up and professional looking, it still was about as far away from a gentle feminine look as I could get.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I just didn't feel entitled to wear truly feminine things.  So, it was plain cotton Hanes panties - and at night it was long cotton night-shirts or pajamas - pink, yes, but no lace!

If you've read the recent extensions to my diary (beginning with chapter 67) you've seen how I was still acting the role of woman as insincerely as I had been acting the role of man before my surgery.

It took a traumatic series of experiences in my life, late last year, for me to finally drop the pretense and just accept myself.  And in so doing, I finally found myself able to fully embrace the naturally feminine side of my being.

No surprise then, that I began to alter my wardrobe.  I may still wear blue jeans, but now I don a frilly tank top over them, with lace trim along the bottom.  I bought a push-up bra, and for the first time in my life have been going out showing cleavage.

Can you believe that?  After getting the implants and getting a bust-line like this, keeping it under wraps 100 percent of the time? But that's what I did.

Man, I was nervous the first time I wore that low-cut top.  I felt like it was exposing everything and was cut down to my navel.  In reality, it only showed an inch or two of cleavage.  Funny thing was, when I had always seen other women with twice as much exposed, it always seemed so natural for them.  But for me, breaking through that mental barrier, I felt like I was twice as much exposed when I was really only half as much!  I imagine that is what any young woman feels the first time she exposes the top part of her breasts in public.  It's kind of like the "high board" on a swimming pool.  Looks tame enough from poolside, but seems a lot scarier when you're standing on the top about to jump off!

Well, I even wore that low-cut top out to dinner on the weekend, and out to Disneyland the next day.  It was about all I wore for two weeks. Finally had to wash it though.  Now, I wear it from time to time when the social occasion warrants it, and when I get a few extra bucks, I plan on adding a few more such items to my wardrobe.

As for the nightie, well, I now have three frilly ones, and I really like the way they make me feel.  If I have a tough day with business or just have one of those days when I have to be analytic all the time and can't take a moment to let my feelings have free reign, well in the evening I can slip into one of my nightgowns and let that wonderful, gentle, feminine energy flow over and through me.

So, maybe it doesn't show any "R" rated skin in the picture, but I sure was feeling "R" rated while it was being taken...."

~~Melanie Anne