November 29, 2005
It’s been a fairly peaceful
day. The snow that fell last
night dissolved in the warmer rains, leaving us in a gentle fog.
And that’s pretty much where my mind is at as well.
Most of the day I was able to
diet. But just like last night,
my energy level rose about 7 p.m., and then I began consuming everything
with chocolate in it. Stripped
the cupboards bare. Wolfed down
four giant chocolate chunk cookies from Pepperidge farm.
In an hour. Washed down
with a cup of hot cocoa. Made
with milk.
God! My diet can’t stand much more of this.
Yeah, I’m nervous about my
surgery. Scared a bit.
Worried about the anesthetic. Unsure
of the results.
Teresa found Bill Murray’s
“The Life Aquatic” on the satellite, and since I’ve wanted to see it,
here it is. Something
comforting about this father/son fading career revenge story.
Teresa’s energy is up today.
She’s assembled three and a half sets of those shelves I bought.
And she made a brisk walk up to the top of the hill at the main
street to get the empty trash can. I
accompanied for the fun of walking with her.
In the dark. In the fog.
In the rain.
Where does this evening energy
come from? Why can’t I have
it during the day? I why
can’t I stop eating chocolate???
Hey, I discovered that if I
didn’t put on make-up, my face doesn’t wrinkle up and sag. Why do you suppose that is?
Clearly the increased hormone
doses are having something to do with all of these things. And also going off coffee.
Whoa! That’s probably
what the energy thing is all about. I
always get tired about 72 hours after going off coffee.
And coffee always screws with aspects of what estrogen does – at
least in me.
For example, after going on a
higher sufficient dose, I get back that subcutaneous layer of fat that makes
the skin softer and less wrinkly. But
if I have coffee, more than just a little, that layer vanishes in a few
days. What’s up with that?
And I get cramps about seven days after changing dose up or down.
But that also happens seven days after starting or stopping coffee. And if I try, I can start and stop coffee and raise and lower
doses all al the same time until I can put myself in cramps constantly.
Did that a few days ago.
Three days of cramps every night.
Legs, feet, leaping and shouting and stomping around in the wee dark
hours.
Well, anyway, my mood is still
good. But I just wish I could
keep some of this energy when I need it, rather than when I’d rather be
sitting around doin’ nuttin’ watchin’ TV.
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