From: Andreea
Hello. My name is Andreea Michailoff, I am a 24 MtF pre-op TS
student. I live in Romania, Eastern Europe.
Welcome, you all would say.... Yes thank you. Thank you a lot. But I
am online for almost two years, a few of you might know me from mail
lists, or from chatrooms, or just cause we are penpals.
I should start by telling you all readers my status. Well, not pretty
much done yet. I started HRT in May this year, ceased it after a month
and began medicating again almost one month ago. Well not much
interesting up to here... wait!
The funny story is that I am SELF-doctoring. Yes and this not because
I am that MD or, worse, doctor-phobic person, but just because here I
could not find any - BUT ANY - endo... At least one T* friendly... well
I would lie to say there aren't any but they are enough afraid to avoid
assuming responsibility and refuse involving.
Why did I jump to the endos before telling of
pshrinks, you may
ask... Well, the same problem. Either they advise you strongly to
"grow outta it", or they take all your cash (if privates) just
to tell you after a bunch of therapy years that you sure had a
misunderstanding of your condition and are not transsexual at all.
You also could figure out that this is another "Silence of The
Lambs" case. Well no, this only happens in Romania where
homosexuality is prison punished and we transgendered are under the same
(almost!) condition...
You might know the expression "turning in a vicious
circle"... well if not, here's the explanation of it: I am not
moving outta this damn spot cause I am not that passable and I am not
passable cause I am living here. No exit, one might say... Cannot figure
out one while I am a radio dj and earn less than 100$ monthly and my
father is an engineer for 20 years and he is earning EVEN LESS! Most of
the wages here are alike...
I am endangering my liver and kidneys in an attempt of forcing the
process, as long as this is the only thing I can do for myself... Have
absolutely no idea about dosages, except those my friends on the web
advised me not to overpass.. I suppose I am taking minimal doses and
stay safe - at least for a while.. I am terribly scared about getting to
ER because of this, cause there is only one way outta there (if I will
make it of course), the lunatic asylum... No one would believe I am a
woman and not that ??? androgynous creature they see...
Well one friend of mine tried to fight against law and bureaucracy
and gain his (he's a FtM) place under the sun.. passed through forensic
exam (the legal procedure here in Romania) and all he got was
interdiction to any process (HRT or SRS) for two years... also
interdiction for changing legal status. I am afraid of passing the same
because any interdiction like this, well, I don't think I would be able
to handle it and stay sane.
I am trying to open but also cannot do this either.. If you want to
have a close image of the public opinion over transgenderism here, just
figure out a Muslim Fanatic country and you're in. No we are not Muslims
but Orthodox Christians.. Never figured out this could be so bad!
And, finally, I have no friends. T* people here use to hide and avoid
opening even to other T*s, so except Danny (that FtM friend) there is no
one about I know.. Heard about a couple of, but never managed to meet
any...
Do not take me wrong. The purpose of this letter is not to be a
beggar's one... just an explanation. Because...
1. All the people I asked abroad about how to improve my condition
advised me to try Western Europe, which is impossible as long as no
embassy would accord me any visa... We are not in the European
Community... 2. All the sites I've been searched (and there were pretty
a lot) were not showing any - but ANY - precise procedures of
medication.... yes I am not that kid, know about monitoring all the body
functions and correlate them with dosages, well THIS is what I am
looking for... 3. Though! International prices are way too far from any
possibilities of changing status with Romanian financial resources. 4.
Everybody else can (and uses to) be just sorry, which makes me feel even
more pathetic than I already am.
I know that people are busy and have to care first about their
priorities and only after to care about others' ones... I also know that
we all have to work to gain something in our lives... but it seems me
way too unfair to be trapped in a prison like this and way too
impossible to work an exit out of it... Yet if you just had the time to
read my letter, figure out any possible answer for my status and drop me
some lines, well, I will be more than grateful.
I also want to apologize those I might offend with my posting, the
intention wasn't at all to happen like this. Sorry once more.
Thank you in advance, Andreea (who learns to fly above the clouds so
she can see the sun shining)
The Word's
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