Comments
Sometime, somewhere, there may be a reader who sees this letter, and
stares into the mirror for a moment only to view himself/herself. If
this is you, I hope this will be an encouragement to you.
I was raised in the rural deep south in a traditional community with
traditional parents and traditional cousins, neighbors, friends, and so
forth. I grew up as a "normal" boy to all eyes around me,
although from early years I knew I was not the same as other boys. By
this, I do not mean that I was feminine in appearance or actions.
BUT...I was feminine in my reasoning and emotions and contemplations.
I never had a homosexual experience, and I never found myself
attracted to other boys. I just loved the girls, and their games, and so
forth.
I never wanted to wear dresses. But I did want to play games with
them. I found that boy sporting events were not fun at all, although I
played basketball and baseball. I was the thinker, the philosopher, the
valedictorian. But I was not the NERD.
The earliest most impressionable event in my life was the conversion
of Dr. Renee Richards. I WANTED TO BE HER!!!!! But I was a child, and my
parents spoke so negatively of her conversion that I was plunged into
years of denial at my own feelings. When I graduated high school, I
wanted to run away from it all, disappear, change my name, and
everything....but the money was not there and I was so afraid.
Now, I am 35. Time flies, as they say.
I have been married three times (now in my third). BUT the fire
inside of me is so strong after years of denying it, that I cannot blink
an eye without considering all that lies before me. I tried to speak to
my wife, but she doesn't want to "connect." Strange, women say
they want a man who shares his feelings, but they often vanish away when
he opens up.
So here I am....Not yet on my way, but eager. I am seeking a second
undergraduate degree right now, and preparing for the rest of my life. I
will take the next two years to explore and prepare and "leap the
leap of faith".
I say all of this to let you know, whoever you are, that not all
transgendered people are so noticeably feminine nor are they always
homosexual. We are all in this great walk together...and there are
plenty of shades in the rainbow.
And there is room for you along the way, should you wish to walk this
long mile.
NIKKI
