Beginning Transition

As I write these words, I am still a man. But that will soon change. The hormone therapy I began two months ago is already altering both mind and body. Soon, the person known as Dave will cease to exist and the new person of Melanie shall be born.

So it is with a strange mixture of sadness and elation, suffering and joy, that I pen these words. For in order for Melanie to live, Dave must die. No, I am not a "split" personality. But just as there are many aspects of Melanie that cannot be expressed in the role of Dave, there are many facets of Dave that can no longer be explored as Melanie.

So, my life as a man has reached an impasses. My development as a male is to be cut off, both figuratively and literally. And yet, I gladly lay my life down for her. For I have come to know Melanie intimately as a beautiful person: warm compassionate, creative, insightful. I love her. Indeed, if I were able to meet Melanie face to face, I would surely remain Dave and devote all my days to pleasing her and basking in the glow of her joyous outlook. But such can never be, and Dave must die for Melanie to live.

I do not know what the future holds; no one ever does. But I do know that the course I have charted is truly the only one open to me. Any other path leads to certain disaster, as great, gaping chunks of my personality would whither, fester, and die.

So, I close with a wish for the new woman about to be born: May your outer beauty match the inner beauty I have come to know and love. May hour days be long and fruitful. May you find happiness where I have found pain, and contentment from my frustration.

And may you have no regrets.

David

in California

From my Transition diary

Copyright Melanie Anne - Founder of the Transgender Support Site