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Your Letters - Melanie's Replies

Visitor: Melanie - Either you're pulling my leg and the jokes on me, or you're for REAL!

Me: Oh, I'm for real alright, though it often feels like anything but reality! ;)

Visitor: I guess the first question should be, why? Why did you put yourself through this ordeal?

Me: The best answer is that asking "why" is a male question. I never asked that question. I just felt pulled in this direction and followed my heart. If I had been able to ask "why" and have that be a major concern, I probably would not have been truly female at heart. Someone once said to me, "Why would a man do a thing like that?" I replied, "A man wouldn't!"

Visitor: The next question or two would be, how did your wife and children take it?

Me: Well, they weren't too particularly happy about it, but if there is love (even friendship and parental love) one can get used to most anything. They are mostly used to it. I'm sure they still wish I hadn't done it, but that doesn't mean we can't all have a good time. Besides, I've been VERY successful financially since surgery, so they get a few extra perks in a raised lifestyle that helps justify it to some degree.

Visitor: It's good to hear that you and your wife are good friends. Did you keep your original equipment?

Me: There's no way to do that. When you have surgery, everything is used as raw material to construct a completely female self through plastic surgery. Nothing is wasted. By the time you heal, you are as physically female as the next woman. The real key is: does your womanhood come from the inside out? Only if your heart is the source of your self do you "feel" like a woman to others, no matter how good and "authentic" you may be physically.

Visitor: Have you had many male lovers since your change?

Me: Oh, not many... perhaps four or five in four years. Mostly I've found them to be so wrapped up in trying to find themselves that it is hard to tolerate for someone who already has. Once and a while I meet a guy who is truly together. Unfortunately, so far, they are either already spoken for or don't click with me at a chemistry level. Someday, though....

Visitor: I'm very curious about you having the ability to have the female sense of responses to another man's touch, especially down in the more private parts. Do you react like a typical woman?

Me: There is no typical woman. I react as myself, without thinking. All I can tell you is that no one has ever pointed out any discrepancies or problems with the way I am myself. Sex is good and the psychological feelings associated with it are much better now than before.

Visitor: Why should you have mixed feelings about meeting people from the internet. It's not really any different that meeting people in real life, other than you can be totally up front with them, without meeting them first. In fact, you may find yourself someone that will except you, as you are, that's true with their feelings about what they have learned about you.

Me: Well, I am not the words I write. They are only a small part of me. I am not my voice on the telephone. It is only a reflection of me. Who I am is in person, and that person wants to be first known as Melanie and then later, perhaps (if the plot thickens) to be known in history as well. When you meet someone in the "real" world, they see you for you first. Then, if and only if things progress to a closer course, does my history ever have to be brought up.

But on the internet, I feel dishonest in not spelling out potential "show stoppers" in advance. Someone can invest a lot of emotional overhead, only to discover that they have to completely re-evaluate the other person. I don't think that's fair to do to anyone, but I don't like waving a flag every time I meet someone either. So, I've kind of abandoned the internet scene, and prefer to simply meet people as me and see where it goes.

Visitor: One last curious thought comes to mind. Perhaps, when you did decide that you want someone for your ever own, maybe a gay man would be better for you. Please, I don't mean to offend. You'll find that I'm extremely honest too, to the point of being brutal, sometimes.

Me: Actually, gay men aren't turned on by me at all. After all, the only thing they see is a woman. Why would a gay man be turned on by a naked woman? How could he be? Besides, I've never been interested in gays. I have met a few through friends, but I've never found any common ground between them and myself, other than as perhaps business associates working on the same project.

Visitor: Well, I hope to hear from you again, soon! John

Me: And so you shall!

Melanie

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